Today didn't start out as a good day and I'm not sure if it has ended up that way. I tried briefly, while soaking in the tub, to talk myself out of feeling bad; but it seems that the trials of life are a bit stronger today and so its harder to escape the negative thinking.
I wondered, as my day continued to sink, what its like to be what we percieve to be, good Mormon. I wondered what the trials are for those who are our beacons. Do they have moments when they say an innappropraite word, or a time when they become so angry or hurt they just don't know what to do. Are there those who live in mixed homes, homes where one person is the active LDS and everyone eise is not, so keeping the home as a good environment is difficult. And from there my thougths went to this; how can I develope Christ like attributes and be a good example to those around me when I can't even keep my home where it needs to be.
Don't get me wrong, its much better than it used to be. If you had seen my home years ago with the things that went on with my teenagers you wouldn't believe it. So there is improvement, though I believe the change came because of tragedy and not my examle. Even so, now, I have two children who are grown and are parents and two grandchildren and a mom and a husband all in my household that Im trying to keep on the right path. (anymore ands and I've have a baseball team :) So, when I make a mistake it rings loud, louder even than when I stay good.
I know that if we live the commandaments of Jesus Christ to the best of our ability we will develope Christ like atributes and we as a person, will change. I know that because I am chanaged from who I used to be, and I like that very much. However, even if we change we still have to continue to evolve and progress and be converted and somedays, like today, I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels and not making any head way whatsoever.
When I think I'm doing good and all I can, that to me, seems to go unnoticed in my house. But if I mess up and do or say something that is not as it should be or how I want to be, you can bet they remember it and it comes back to haunt me. Thus, here I am spinning my wheels and trying desperately to better.
Therefore I wonder, what is it like, for those who are our beacons, do they have days like this, do they mess up, and why can't I get my act together and be as strong and viligant, and diciplined as they.....
Anyway, this is my journal, this is my blog and for today, this is what was on my mind. I was going to go to the movies but that was blown out of the water as I have no vehicle since its in the shop. Hopefully I will have it next week. And I played grandma today and watched the girls. I didn't even get to harvest my crops on farmville they kept me so busy :))))
I do promise there will be more intersting and intellectual topics here, but somedays you just need to talk to a friend, and being here, is my friend....
If you happen to be reading this and your not a Mormon but want to understand about Mormons and the LDS chruch or have questions you can visit these websites or just email me you can also find me on twitter and facebook:
What did I learn today?
Test and trials are meant to perfect us so that we can become like Heavenly Father and return home with honor to live with him. It is up to me to do my best to make the right choice and choose to fight through these trials that I may prevail. And, I am never alone, the Lord is there to hold my hand I only need to call on him continually, even when I have a bad day.....
What will I remember?
To try and be more patient with myself, I am a child of God not a gow-up of God, I have much learning to do....
What is to come?
Tune in tomorrow and find out :)
Thank Your for "Listening"
Love From Dixie!