A New Day, A New Dawn

      

     It's been a long time since I have written in my journal since I have given a public speech or written a blog.  I decided to take the journey of nursing school to obtain a Bachelor of Nursing degree, which has taken me the last three years to accomplish.  I have had no time for even self-care, but as of June 9th, I am the proud owner of a BSN.  Next up is the state board exam, and before I dive in and recluse once again to succeed in this test to obtain a license to practice nursing, I take a moment for a brief message for my friends, loved ones, family, and those who might read. 

    I begin with my back story (in a nutshell because the entire story would be a five volume novel).  I have been trying to earn this degree for 38 years. I graduated high school in 1984, and I had lived a life of service as a nursing home and hospital volunteer; I worked in the health occupations program in school as a phlebotomist and nurse aide, and after graduation, I moved from Texas to Iowa and attended nursing school.  However, the toll after the accidental death of my three-year-old daughter, a divorce, and the feeling of complete failure was too much to handle.  Racked with the guilt of a mother and overwhelming grief, I buckled, and I didn't make it, and I really began to not think much of myself, so much so that I just gave up in my heart; I was unworthy of love, even from God, and so I shrank in testimony, in spirit, in life. 

As time passed, I gradually gained some strength.  I resumed classes and prerequisites to become an RN, began a relationship with Heavenly Father, attended church, and became the mother of three more children. I tried to raise a family and created a nonprofit dance program (that is still going strong today).  But after two terrible divorces, one from a member of the Church holding the position of Elders Quorum counselor (who left for a stripper), financial ruin as a single parent, and a series of bad decisions that left my little family completely devastated, I was broken, and I hated myself.  How could anyone love me, much less God?  After carefully taking my children to my mother so they would have a better life, I sat one night in a waffle house in Grand Prairie, Texas, in the back booth, with a bottle of pills in my purse and a Mr. PIB (they didn't have Pepsi) I was planning to take my life.  A very observant waitress named Alona (who I now call my sister) had a good sense and felt in her heart that I was desperate; she wouldn't let me leave and sat with me that night; we talked for her entire shift between customers.  By the time we left, I had a job as a waitress to help with our family crisis, a new friend that somehow loved me more than I loved myself, and a mustard seed of hope. I brought my children home and tried to start a new life. I resumed nursing classes and dance classes, which I had stopped, and tried to make a decent life again.  It was not an easy road, though, and as I look back, I see how my bad choices tore my family apart, and we all suffered greatly.  Though I attended church and literally drug my kids with me, I had no love for myself; my decisions were based on no love for myself, which affected not only my life but the lives of my children, and the thought of my heart was how could the love of the Savior, the atonement, possibly be for someone like me, who had failed so terribly.  

            It was a tough battle, no I take that back, it was a retched war, but I fought, and I fought, and I fought; I went through a crippling repentance process that I have testimony was given to me by the grace of God to gain strength and closeness to the Savior that is unmatched. I re-entered the nursing program and pressed forward with faith. Yet, sometimes, even faith and repentance aren’t enough to carry our families after devastating mistakes, and this time the death of my middle child, my son, as a victim of suicide was the ultimate blow.  I had faith in Heavenly Father, I had faith in my Savior, I had faith in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, but I had no faith in myself; I was to blame for the death of my children; it was a burden I could not carry, and I broke.  I left the nursing program, dancing, my family, and myself. I prayed the Lord would take me in my sleep so I wouldn’t have to wake up to the pain I had inflicted on myself and my family, and I stayed that way for about 8 months. The one good thing about this was the connection I had previously developed with the Savior, and I never left him or the church during this time; it is what saved me.  I woke up one morning from the grief that had blinded me, picked myself up by the bootstraps, put myself in God’s service, and went out with missionaries to help others. I had daily scripture study, became involved with callings and service, put myself back into classes for nursing, started teaching dance again, and, most importantly, I set out to save my family.  But, due to financial constraints with death and health issues, I was unable to finish nursing as quickly as I wanted, and classes were taken one at a time to try and get through.  When I was finally ready to take my test and re-enter the core program, my stepson died suddenly from a ruptured aorta.  Again, we were devastated as a family.  Following this, my husband had a stroke and was hospitalized, and the future was not looking bright for a nursing degree; in fact, I was scared. But with the healing power of the Savior, he made a recovery and was able to work again, and I was still in time to get into the program; then COVID came, and all the schools closed. However, I wasn’t giving up this time; even though Covid forced closures, I kept taking what classes I could online and following the process to be ready. 

I received an email one day from West Coast University that said they were open and operational online with a full nursing program and wanted to give me more information.  I thought this had to be a scam; my luck could not be this good, so I ignored the message for several days.  Then one day, when driving home from work, I heard a voice tell me to call the number in the email.  I said to myself no, I’m not going to do that. I will get my heart broken from some scam.  The voice came very loud then and said CALL THE NUMBER!  I pulled my car to the side of the road, opened my email from my phone, and called the number.  With the help of Roche Garner, a wonderful recruiter, I was so graciously helped and given scholarships and all the help I needed to enter the BSN program.  I couldn’t believe the blessing I had been given; it was a miracle. Now fast forward to June 2023.

            For the past three years, I have been diligently working towards the dream of the BSN.  During this time, my car quit (it’s buried in an unmarked grave), my mother had a stroke, my husband had a second stroke, an abdominal aortic aneurysm, a carotid stent, and cataract surgery, I was addmitted to ICU for COVID during finals week in 2021 (thankfully I passed) . I lost my job and had no income, I suffer with chronic migraines, and axiety/PTSD, my uncle died, my biological father died, my aunt died, my three doxies died, I was called to Young Women’s presidency, I had a huge dance recital with 70 students, then called to Primary presidency, folks the struggle was real! But today I am talking to you as the proud owner of a BSN nursing degree. So, what does this all have to do with talking to you today?  Two things….Service and Love

            The week before my final exit exam, I asked for a blessing from some dear and kind priesthood holders.  I was in a state of panic; I felt I didn’t know enough, I wasn’t good enough, and what if I failed, the pressure was so overwhelming that I couldn’t get a hold of myself.  So, I sought them out and talked to them.  I was counseled in this blessing as well as my patriarchal blessing that if I prepared myself to receive the things I desired in this life, I would receive them, I was further counseled that I had prepared well, and I would succeed with diligence and faith.  But that is not the part of the blessing that hit me.  The priesthood holder pronouncing the blessing said he felt inspired to counsel me to see myself as the Heavenly Father sees me and give myself some grace,,,,  how could I possibly do that, someone like me who was so sinful and still makes mistakes, someone like me who fell, someone like me who at one time felt I was being punished and left the Lord for a time, someone like me who failed so miserably and was not worthy to be loved in such a capacity, how could I see myself as He does. I thought about how Peter must have felt when he went out and wept bitterly after denying the Lord; he loved Him with all his heart; but he was having a truly rough time, and that’s how I felt, and I wept bitterly; how could I find myself through Christ?

  Elder D Todd Christofferson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles spoke in March 2016 about finding yourself through Christ; he quoted a professor that gave some insight into this saying, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, God’s work in your life is bigger than the story you’d like that life to tell. His life is bigger than your plans, goals, or fears. To save your life, you’ll have to lay down your stories and, minute by minute, day by day, give your life back to him.”¹  (Finding Your Life, 2016).  This follows in line with Elder Brian K Taylor, who taught, “How can each of us experience the power of understanding our divine identity? It begins by seeking to know God, our Father.” (Welch, 2022)

I am by no means perfect, nor will I ever be, and I do still need work in forgiving myself for some of the past in which I felt like I broke the innocent hearts of my children with my choices.  But I did take comfort in those few days before the exam with temple attendance and heartfelt prayers asking him to help me see myself as he does and find myself in Christ as the spirit whispered to me; your offering is enough.  I had already given my life back to Him, and He had accepted me.  This is how we find ourselves through and in Christ; this is how we love ourselves; we give our lives to Him.  As taught by Elder Boyd K Packer, we are sons and daughters of a loving and living God; nothing can change that.  That is where we must find our worth (Welch, 2022).  Satan and even the world will tell us we are not good enough, but Heavenly Father will always love us.  Losing ourselves for His sake will allow us to find ourselves. And if I had done nothing else good in my life, I have truly loved Him with all of my heart; I quite literally lost my life, but it was made new through Him. To those who suffer, to those who are afflicted, tried, tormented, abused, to those who are sick, to those who grieve, to those who feel they can’t make it, lose yourself in service; by doing so, you will find yourself in Christ, and your burden will be eased. In the words of Elder Jeffery R Holland, “Don’t you give up! Don’t you do it; keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead—a lot of it” (An High Priest of Good Things to Come, 1999). When you lose your life for Christ, you find it. There is nothing he can’t heal; there is nothing he won’t forgive….

            On exam day, after passing, I fell into the arms of my instructor and cried so hard that others around me began to cry.  I had tried for many years to obtain this degree that would allow me to be financially self-reliant and serve the children of Heavenly Father.  It was my dream come true….MY DREAM CAME TRUE, and I am like George Bailey (It’s a Wonderful Life), am the richest man on earth.                                                                           

Now for just a moment before I end this autobiographical nutshell blog, I want to stress how I made it.  In our Sunday School lesson a few weeks ago, we reviewed the last supper, the washing of the feet, and the new and everlasting covenant to love one another as he loves us.  

When the Savior washed the feet of the disciples, he taught of service and love.  So many of you have washed my feet….  There is not enough room to blog your names or the service you gave to me through the years.  But for nursing school, I thank those who paid for fees when I had no money, I thank those who gave me a car so I wouldn’t have to quit, I thank those who gave me a place to live because I could not have attended school in Richardson without it, I thank those who gave us food because we had no money, I thank those who paid our bills, I thank those who gave me gas money, who bought me a coke and bag of Fritos, who talked me through class, gave me books, did my hair, talked me through a tough test, check off anxiety, listened to my silly jokes, and I thank those who took care of my family so that I could go and do this.  I thank those who prayed for me and my family, who thought of me, who sent good vibes, who clicked the like or heart button, who sent uplifting text messages, who danced with me, who helped with my dance program and recital, who didn’t hate me when I yelled and screamed out of stress, who talked to me, gave me medical care services without charge or reduced fees, who tutored me, who held my hand, and for all that loved me and served me in any way, I thank you.  YOU have exemplified the Savior’s teaching to love one another and serve.  I wouldn’t be who I am or where I am today without your contribution to the welfare of my soul.  May God Bless and keep you always…..

With love,

Dixie Dawn, BSN

(P.S. I still have to pass the state board exam, so I thank you for keeping the prayers going.... UPDATE! 7/13/2022 I PASSED THE STATE BOARD EXAM!! I AM NOW DIXIE DAWN BSN, RN THANK YOU simplenursing.com for your gift you were the best for study!!! 😊)

 

References:

Finding Self-Worth in my Identify as a Child of God, Molly Ogden Welch, Church Magazine, December 2022

Finding Your Life, Elder D Todd Christofferson, devotionals.lds.org

An High Priest of Good Things to Come, Elder Jeffery R Holland, General Conference, 1999, chruchofJesusChrist.org

 

 

The Gift

 

Baptism as we know, when performed by one holding authority, washes away sin. We are buried in the depths of water as if dead and come out alive and new. At the very moment we emerge, we are clean every whit, we are new, and as children of our loving Heavenly Father, the goal is to stay as new as possible, even perfect, from that moment on, and throughout our mortal lives.

We know, however, that this is not possible, for we are human and not perfect. We do ere in our ways, but as the loving Heavenly Father that He is, He has prepared help, and never leaves us comfortless, or in need. There is always a way provided for us to do our very best and to achieve our desired goals.

To help us Father has given us a specific gift. This is not a gift just anyone can receive, this is a gift direct from God and is so special, that it can only be received like baptism, from those with the authority to give it. A worthy priesthood holder must be the one who not only performs baptism, but will also use the laying on of hands that we might receive this gift, as a token of our decision to come unto Christ and accept baptism and make covenants with Father in Heaven.

The gift is the gift of the Holy Ghost, who is a personage, or a spirit, that has been called of God to the specific calling of helping His children. He is a real spirit being that is with us always, in our minds, in our hearts, and in our lives. Its what the world might call our conscience, but as a gift from God he is even stronger and more powerful, and again, he is real.

It's a gift to not take lightly, for it is one of the greatest of all and will be lifesaving in our journeys, providing us with spiritual strength and inspiration, as well as helping us to recognize and understand the truth of all things. He will comfort us in difficult times and guide our decisions large and small as we work to bring ourselves and our families through the trenches of earth’s life to arrive safely back in the arms of God.

This gift is so powerful and so strong, and so real, that it will bring us the feeling of God’s love and we will recognize it and know beyond a doubt that He knows each of us by name, He and His Son Jesus Christ; and this will influence our daily lives in ways we can only begin to imagine.

John 14:26 teaches specifically of this truth stating: “the comforter which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things and bring all things to your remembrance whatsoever I have said unto you.”

However, though this is a gift and given freely to everyone upon baptism into His true church, it is conditional. Our ability to enjoy this divine gift depends on our obedience to Gods’ commandments.

The Holy Ghost is just that, holy, and cannot remain with those who do not live according to God’s teachings. If we drift or choose to continue in sin we lose the privilege of his guidance and inspiration. Therefore, it is extremely important from the moment we emerge from the waters of baptism, that we remain clean and pure and always strive to be worthy of his companionship.

Now let me stress the phrase ALWAYS STRIVE. If you are always striving to do our best and to live the gospel, he will never leave us and we WILL be lead. Do we have to be perfect, NO, we cannot. We only must be doing your sincere best and as we grow in the teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ, as we gain knowledge, we will become stronger and stronger and the straight and narrow way laid before us will be a relief to travel and we will find the peace that comes with this gift.

Striving to keep the spirit with us can sometimes be overwhelming and confusing, but remember, we are never left without direction or comfortless. In our desire to keep the Holly Ghost with us, and to live the commandments to the best of our ability, the Sacrament has been provided as a reminder of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The bread is His body and the water is His blood, and as we partake repenting of transgressions, we are promised to have the Holy Ghost continually with us. When we honestly and sincerely partake of the Sacrament each week, repenting daily in our prayers with a focus on the Atonement, we recommit ourselves to Jesus Christ in the same way that we do at baptism and we are then able to move forward in our progression.

As you, my friend, upon your baptism today, or your baptism in the past, are honest and sincere before God, covenanting before Him, I know that you will feel the gift of the Holy Ghost as it is given unto you, and your life will be, not perfect, but will change and your heart will be strengthened.

I testify of the truth of these things, that God our Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ are real, that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is His true church upon the earth today, and that He indeed, knows each of us by name and will never leave us alone. The gift of the Holy Ghost is real, enjoy his company as you come unto the fold and continue life as a child of God.

Author Note: Talk written for Baptism August 2020 adapted for blog audience

References: Gospel Principles

Thou Art A Good Daughter.....

One night, as a young woman, lay weary and fast asleep she dreamed a dream, yet, it was so real that it surely wasn’t a dream.  You see, she had died in the dream, but felt nothing of the death, it was as if she had been translated for it was painless and instantaneous as she stood at the place where she had been sent and it seemed familiar as she took in her surroundings.  There were groups of people being taught, each divided into age groups and they were anxiously engaged in the lessons.  She could feel them soaking in the knowledge as workers dressed in white appeared with a gentle smile and guided her to a room where she was to wait.  

She stood in the room for what seemed like a very long time then suddenly she was aware that she had come home and for a moment she was frightened and sad for she was alone and maybe this was her fate.  Then she felt it, a fullness, enter the room, it was warm and the whole place filled with a presence.   She became suddenly aware that someone was standing behind her, so, she turned to look, and her entire being changed.

 “It’s You!” she exclaimed with wonder and amazement, “It’s really you”; and she was filled with  absolute indescribable joy as she threw her arms around the neck of her brother and held him tight.   At long last she had returned home and was greeted by her loving brother while at the same time, her mind and spirit awakened with a perfect knowledge.  She knew immediately who she was, where she had come from, and she knew him, her brother, Jesus Christ, the same as she knew her own earthly family and she was full of joy with the return of her memory and the greeting of the one she loved so dearly. All that she had believed was true, all that she had hoped for was real, as the Lord stood before her with a smile, also filled with great joy for her awakening and love for him.  

 Then suddenly and without notice, the scene changed and the two; after their loving embrace, were transformed to another room where the young woman stood at the entrance and looked upon her brother who now sat upon a throne made of fine gold and workmanship.  It was breathtaking at the very least and she gazed, for he was regal and majestic and the surroundings matched his countenance, yet, he still smiled and she felt impressed to move closer. 

 She began to walk the length of a golden carpet laid before her and as she came closer to him, her brother, her mind again was enlightened and she knew him, she knew everything about him, she knew of the decision he had made and she remembered being there when he had accepted it, she remembered her decision to follow him, she remembered the lessons she was taught, the promises that were made she remembered life before they were born, she knew it all as if she had wrote it in her journal  and as she looked upon the Savior with this perfect knowledge, she fell to her knees clasping her face in her hands, the recognition of the moment crashing upon her.  

She knelt before the Savior her Lord and king, and at that moment she not only knew of the pains he had suffered that she would live and be free, but she felt them.   She had a clear recollection of all that he had graciously suffered and great sobs of agony poured from her as she bitterly wept drowning his feet with her tears.  She had made mistakes in her life on earth,  how could she have been so blind, how could she have forgotten her promise to be true, oh how could she have made him suffer so with her choices, someone she loved with her whole being.  At that very moment she had a perfect recollection of her life, a perfect recollection of his sacrifice and she wept, for she had not honored him as her heart had desired, and she could no longer look upon him for she was unworthy and she fell before him at his feet, indeed and ever heartbroken, she could not be consoled from her grief.   

Then she felt it.  His hand as he laid it upon her head, he caressed her hair like one would do for a little child and consoled her speaking in the mildest of tones with a love and tenderness she had never before known, saying, “daughter why do you weep so,” she would not look upon him but could feel the gentle smile he possessed, it penetrated her, and she felt a love so full and strong that it was palatable.   HE lifted her chin with his hand that their eyes would meet and said “Thy sins are forgiven, thou art a good daughter, be not down trodden, go thy way, sin no more”  (© Dawn Michelle. All rights reserved)

In reference to the atonement, “to the thoughtful woman and man, it is “a matter of surpassing wonder” that the voluntary and merciful sacrifice of a single being could satisfy the infinite and eternal demands of justice, atone for every human transgression and misdeed, and thereby sweep all humankind into the encompassing arms of His merciful embrace. But so it is.” -Jeffery R Holland of the quorum of the twelve apostles of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

 In a manner to us that is incomprehensible and inexplicable, He bore the weight of the sins of the whole world and in doing that, opened the kingdom of heaven…..

 

"Through his suffering, Jesus redeemed the souls of all men, women, and children “that his bowels would be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he would know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.” In doing so, Christ “descended below all things”—including every kind of sickness, infirmity, and dark despair experienced by every mortal being.  The utter loneliness and excruciating pain was so great that it caused him, even Christ to cry out “My God My God why hast Thou forsaken me” and he did this in order that He might “comprehend all things, that he might be in all and through all things, the light of truth" -Jeffery R Holland of the quorum of the twelve apostles of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- day Saints we are taught from our youth of the atonement and its importance; but with this knowledge we have of the atonement of the Savior, it is important for us to remember and not forget that it covers everyone.  

My message today maybe for you, to let you know that His sacrifice was not for everyone else except you because your sins and mistakes are too great or because you feel you will never be good enough.  But that His sacrifice IS for you, if your sins are too great and you feel you are not good enough. 

And my message today may be for you, to remind you that.  It’s important to remember that the atonement is not just for you because you are a member of the church magnifying your calling and living the letter of the law. But that it’s also for those who may not be members or are not doing so great with their job and may need extra help with the law.  In fine, the atonement is for everyone.

It is imperative that we also remember that the atonement covers all things.  Pain, sorrow, grief,  irritability with one another, day to day misgivings, judgemental attitudes, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, sadness, forgetfulness, selfishness, and a host of human imperfections we are guilty of,  if, we can but use the time we are given, to prayerfully seek forgiveness and direction, and to accept council and guidance.  

The Atonement is the greatest of all gifts, it heals, provides safety, and peace, it absolves us from the sin of Adam, it ensures the resurrection of every man woman and child that ever lived or ever will live upon the earth, AND every other principle, commandment, and virtue of the restored gospel draws its significance from this single event.  Everything that we do, everything that we have is because of the atonement of Jesus Christ. 

Of course by now you know that the topic I was asked to speak about today is the Atonement and I think its because I have been seeking an even deeper knowledge and understanding of the nature of Christ.  And as I have come across things that make me think and feel differently I have had a great desire to share them that all of us together will have a deeper and greater understanding.  

Even so, there's not a lot that I can tell you that you probably don’t already know.  The LDS Church is generous with curriculum and the voice of our general authorities in teaching us true and correct doctrine and principles.  From the time we are children until the day we leave to return home,  the Lord through faithful servants, has provided for us, so that we are not left alone and on our own,  but have the guidance and direction that we need. 

 What I can tell you, however, is this.  I WAS that woman stricken with grief at His feet.  In fact, I was, a sinful woman.  I was without a doubt blind and made him suffer because of my choices and through my own personal repentance process, I felt the real physical feeling as the holy ghost left when he was removed from me; after which I sat in sacrament meeting and watched the bread and water as it passed me by because I could not partake.  

 Many times as Latter day saints its unimaginable to us to not be able to partake of the sacrament or be without the holy ghost  for it is freely given us upon baptism and it can in many instances be taken with a grain of salt attitude.  The idea was inconceivable for me, until it happened; and many who do have to attend to the process of repentance that I did, don’t return at all.  But for me, I grasped onto the hope of the Atonement and held it with dear life, for I had felt it, I had felt it with a real physical feeling, I had beheld it with my natural self, thus it was my entire goal to gain a true knowledge of the gifts of the atonement and allow it to work in my life.  For oh, oh how I longed to be with my Savior once again! 

At the very moment I chose to accept the Atonement and allow it to work and to accept the consequence of my actions, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that He lives, that the Atonement is real and not a Sunday Story made up, it is not a game, He lives! and he died that I, that we, could be saved and live also.  

When the time came after my repentance process that I was reinstated, and I was able to partake of the sacrament for the first time, I wept with great sobs even almost unable to eat, for I was so full of humble gratitude for what he had done for me.  I have not only received  forgiveness of my sins and been made new, I have also received healing and strength from tragedies, I continue to be carried in my day to day struggles and my heart and mind think upon him through my days when the world seems to fall upon me.  So it is my greatest desire to have an even deeper understanding of this gift Christ has given us, it is my desire to more reverently partake of the sacrament and stay focused, it is my true and honest need to be able to watch with him one hour, without falling asleep and it is my desire for you to join me.  

 

We are told again by Jeffery R Holland that “[The sacrament] should be a powerful, reverent, reflective moment. It should encourage spiritual feelings and impressions. As such it should not be rushed. It is not something to ‘get over’ so that the real purpose of a sacrament meeting can be pursued. This is the real purpose of the meeting. And everything that is said or sung or prayed in those services should be consistent with the grandeur of this sacred ordinance." 

If we properly prepare for the sacrament, and partake worthily we can transform our lives.   Donald R Clarke of the seventy has suggested a guide line of five steps to help us do just that.  

1. Have a feeling of gratitude for the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

2. Remember that we are renewing baptismal covenants.

3. Seek to feel forgiven of our sins.

4. Seek inspiration for solutions to our problems.

          5.  Partake of the sacrament worthily so we can be filled with the Holy Ghost

 

Therefore, today,  it is my suggestion and prayer that we all give more heed and focus for the Atonement of our Lord and Savior even Jesus Christ.  That we attend our sacrament meetings and not skip for whatever reasons; as our entire lives, our very souls, rest upon our partaking of the sacrament worthily. 

 Let it not be the time to prepare lessons or work, let it not be for things of the world and let us strive for it to not be a stressful time with ill feelings and judgements. Let us focus with reverence and love, let us renew ourselves with him that we may be strengthened, let us learn for ourselves that we may, in the ways of Christ, show others how they too through the Atonement can be new, how they too can have hope, how  they also can press forward; and let us honor him as our hearts so desire to do, that when he comes, after we have sat to watch, we will not be asleep, but will be indeed awake….. 

With Love,

Dixie Dawn 

Reference:  https://www.lds.org/liahona/2008/03/the-atonement-of-jesus-christ?lang=eng