Tuesday, January 29, 2013

What Dreams May Come

When I was a child I was known for vivid dreams. Sometimes I would dream about living family members as well as those that had passed on; and sometimes, I would dream about things that were going to happen, then in a few days or weeks it did. I have carried on that tradition into my adulthood and for many years now my dreams have been incredible. There came a time at one point in my life, when I wasn't living so hot, the premoniton dreams were so strong it was frightening yet at the same time, I waited for them and needed them. They talked to me and did guide me through many rough spots and so years ago I began a journal keeping track and writting them down in detail. I would go back every so often and read and would see how many things really and truly did come to be, I had many dreams that told me of what was to come and many chances to prepare but missed them as I didn't listen. So now, I would say in the last twenty years or so, I have paid great attention, and so has my family. Let me explain and give you a couple of examples so you understand and then I'll tell you my story for today....

My grandmother also had dreams as did my mother, so it was nothing new for me to have them and everyone always paid attention. My children have also been blessed to have them though some more than others, yet when we do have them, those that are real and that we remember, they can be life changing. My husband never had dreams or remembered them until he dated me, and had a desire for the gospel. Then suddenly one day they started and have been a great comfort and guide to us both. Therefore, in a sense, lets say its inherited and we as a family hold it "sacred". Here's an example: My son Chris and his wife were pregnant with their first child in 2008. We were all very happy and ready for out new little one to come, I was very happy to become a grandmother and so the family was excited. When his wife was about four months or so along I had a dream. In the dream I was with my grandson, he was a baby and I was holding him but he talked to me, not with his mouth but spoke words in my mind and as I cradeled him in my arms and rocked him, he brushed my check with his hand and looked me straight in the eyes and said I love you and then disappeared out of my arms. I could feel the touch of his hand on my cheek literally and the dream was so real I woke up with a start and was crying because I had lost him. But the dream was so vivid and real I can to this day without looking at my journal tell you what he looked like. Well, Later that same day Chris called me and said that he and his wife were at the clinic and that the baby's heartbeat couldn't be found. I told him immediately that I had a dream and they needed to go to the hospital. He quickly came to the house and said what was the dream then looked at his wife and said when my mom has a dream you have to listen. I told them my dream and then we left immedately for the hospital. We were told that the baby had died and here was nothing that could be done. Then in 2010 I called my son and daugher in law and jokingly asked if she was pregnant because I had a dream, they said they thought that she was and were going to the doctor, she was......and now that you've had and example and little background let me tell you my story.

I had a dream last night (bet you couldn't have guessed that) but this dream was diffent from all my other deams and I am really quite taken with it and I'm going to tell you about it, but I need to preface it first.

When I was fourteen I began a job as a volunteer in a nursing home in McAllen where we lived. I worked after school and loved it. I would walk there from my junior high school and spend at least three days a week serving up to four hours a day. My mother also worked in a nursing home as a nurse, it was a different one and I would also volunteer there on the weekends and would frequently go to work with her, on the night shift, and answer call lights. Upon moving to Grand Priarie my mother began work at the Hospital (its no longer here) and so I went there and became a candy striper earning my 150 hour pen within three months. I was very close with the staff of ladies and one gentelman that I worked with and I loved it. My goal was to be a nurse, I had wanted to be a nurse like my mom and this was the next best thing. However what will stand out in this story is my closeness with the volunteeer staff. I was so close with them that many of them followed with me through my high school years when I was no longer a candy striper and even when I had my first daughter there at that very hospital in 1984 (don't date me),some of them were still working and were with me. Later in 1992 I went to work there as a unit secretary and monitor tech in ICU, my mother was the Nurse Supervisor and my sister worked in the ER, so it was a very familar place and I met people again that had a great impact on me and helped to change my life. I also worked in a nursing home in Grand Prairie after my first daughter was born and I took care of some wonderful people. Now on with the dream....

I was in a hospital setting and had gone there because a student of mine from dance needed help and then I was with a little girl I didn't know and she was so sad because her father was in the hospital and he was dying. I had been brought there to console her and help her and so thats what I was doing. We were playing with her toys and eating and then it was time to take her to her dad and so we gathered up all the toys and put them in her bag and went to the elevator. Once inside the elevator I was reading a book, it was The Teachings of Joseph Smith (go figure :) ), and the elevator was like the nurses station on a hospital floor but they told me I shouldn't be in there as this room was for others to pass through. So I went to get off the elevator and as I did I left the book behind for others to read (always a missionary) then waited for the doors to open. When they did I was alone, the little girl was gone and I was immediatly in the giftshop of the Grand Prairie Hospital where I worked. (the giftshop was center station for the volunteers) I was being guided by a woman whom I didn't remember, however she looked at me and smiled and said look, while pointing ahead and so I did. I saw a group of women, dressed in fabulous gowns, they were older but so beautiful and then I looked again, and I knew them. They were ladies I had worked with when I was a volunteer at the hospital and ladies I had taken care of in the nursing homes. They smiled at me and said do you remember me and I said why yes I do, but I was so suprised to see them, to see that they had remembered me. Then they just kept smiling at me and said come with us and so I did. We went to the cafeteria and sat down at a table together. It was a round table and all the ladies sat aruond with me at the head and then one setting to the left of me said look and pointed to my right. I turned and looked and sitting in the chair next to me was the one man that worekd with us. He and I were so very close even until I got married and moved away and I was so surprised to see him. Everyone was just sitting around that table and we were all so joyus to be together. Then came the talk. The gentleman and I that were so close had many many discussions when we worked together and then through the years. I had many family troubles at that time in my life and he counsled me and walked me through them; and there he was in my dream and we were having another talk, just like old tims. Yet, there was a twist. No one could see him but me and the ladies at the table. There were other people in the cafeteria eating and such and no one could see him but me, they could see the ladies but they couldn't see him. I made a mental note of this in my dream as it seemed very important and then the talk began. He asked me what my trouble was buat I wasn't sure what to tell him and then he made a couple of jokes with me and I warmed up and then he asked again. Whats your touble. I said, as I fumbled with the napkin in front of me, "well Julied my first daughter died and it was an accident but my son died twenty years later and it was suicide and I'm really very troubled. I know it was an accident for him, I know he didn't mean to do it but the fact of the matter is, it is what it is, and I feel so.....well I need to know what happened, when my children left, I need to know what the experience was for them, did they hurt were they scared, what happened what was it like I must know..." My old friend looked at me with a big grin on his face and that special look in his eye and he said, "I can't tell you that, thats not why I'm here, I'm here to tell you its not yet your time to know..." Then he kissed me on the cheek and suddenly I was back with the little girl and she was watching her dad die and I woke up....

A therapist would tell me this dream means nothing except that I have PTSD and reflect on the tragedies of my life. I even had a Bishop once tell me that my dreams were jsut my minds way of coping and they mean nothing. But I say different for thats not what my heart and gutt tell me , and for fear of making this blog too long I can't tell you of the many examples and dreams that I've had. So, I don't buy what the they say. I belive dreams are a blessing and a gift, yet I also believe they are sacred and should be treated with kid gloves.

I have had dreams about ancestors I've never met yet know them and many other things that are equally incredible. I have even had dreams and been out of body and knew I was alive and awake but I was somewhere else...so is this just a crazy dream or does it have meaning? I can say that I haven't thought about those people and places in many many years and I've never dreamed of them before so why now? Whats your opinion?

What did I learn today?
to continue to listen....always listen.....and learn....

What will I remember?
That I am not crazy, just a little ecentric :)

Whats to come?
More dreams I hope!

Thank You for reading!

Love From Dixie :)