Do I Really?

We are challenged to daily evolve and become more Christ like in our natures, our decisions, our life.  I use the word evolve because the change that takes place in us as we choose to become Christlike is a growth.  It is a time-consuming event that does not happen in one day but over time as we strengthen our testimonies and desires to life the Gospel.

As I sat in preparation for this weeks blog I thought to my self, what can I say to those who read that will make an impact that may help them in their lives, and what can I study for myself that I too will grow and be better and strengthen.  I watched last night an episode on CNN called finding Christ.  This episode discussed Judas and his betrayal to the Lord, but it also brought note of the great love Christ had for Judas even in knowing that he was betrayed.  It made me think of when Christ was on the cross.  There were many who treated him so badly, and his heart and mind as well as his body must have surely been hurt to the point of unbearable grief, yet his prayer was forgive them father for they know not what they do.  Is it not also true in our everyday lives, that there are many who know not what they do, for one can hardly know without a true testimony.  Even those among us including ourselves, most likely know not what we do until a lesson is taught to us and we then gain a missing perspective.  This thinking led me to  View Matthew 5:

"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitfully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect"

So I asked myself, "who are mine enemies?"  and I knew immediately who they were for I have struggled with them greatly.

I don't hate my enemies on the contrary I love them, very much so, yet I am afraid of them for the pain they cause me is unbearable.  My enemies are someone I gave my heart to and trusted and accepted as my family, they are someone whom I loved and would do anything for; yet they curse me, and hate me, they lie about me and to me, they hurt my children and family, they make me feel like trash, and when they are near I am lowly to the point of physically keeping my head bowed while sitting in a corner, and I, I am afraid of them. Even at my age of 49 I feel as if I am being bullied and backed into a corner.  Yet my prayers are for them, they are for us both.  I wish them no harm and truly pray for their needs yet I can't talk to them and be around them so I asked myself, " am I truly loving my enemies?"

I read in 1 Samuel 25,  where David demonstrated that he would be kind to Saul, who had tried to kill him then later David and his men asked for some supplies from a man named Nabal; Nabal treated them rudely. In response, David and his men prepared to attack. Nabal’s wife, Abigail, heard about what was happening and acted wisely to keep David from attacking and killing her husband. In the process, David realized his revengeful actions were not right. A short time later, Nabal died and the problem was solved anyway. After Nabal’s death, David married Abigail as one of his wives.

Then I was listening to a conference talk by Howard W Hunter where he said: “How are we supposed to act when we are offended, misunderstood, unfairly or unkindly treated, or sinned against? What are we supposed to do if we are hurt by those we love, or are passed over for promotion, or are falsely accused, or have our motives unfairly assailed?“Do we fight back? Do we send an ever-larger battalion? Do we revert to an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, or … do we come to the realization that this finally leaves us blind and toothless?” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1992, 23; or Ensign, Nov. 1992, 18).

After reading these I realized that I was not so bad, I wished them no harm, I do them no wrong, If they call or need me I am there, and I say nothing about the hurt, pan and anguish.  When I have to see them or they are in need of my help, I always hope that this is the time when things shall pass and we can once again be family.  So yes I say that I do love my enemies but am I wrong because I can't be around them, because I don't call them or visit them, as when I do things go south in a hurry; so I further studied. 
I decided to visit the church website lds.org, and I put in the search engine Bullying.  I did this because I do feel, even at my age, that I have been bullied and it does continue on certain levels.  I have been a victim of bullying since grade school so I am no newcomer to it and the feelings are the same, so I thought there might be some insight with this search.  What I found made me know that the spirit does work and talk to us in all answers we desire. 

The article I read had advice on what to do if your being bullied, and though geared for youth I felt it was most important in adult life too.  It says, "if your being bullied to try to appear calm and confident. Try not to react, because a reaction is what most bullies are hoping for. First try to simply walk away.  To walk away from trouble is not a sign of weakness."  By this I felt that I am not wrong in staying away, I am simply avoiding explosive, hurtful situations that can cause more trouble.  When needed I am there and act in a loving Christlike manner to the best of my ability, but I try to avoid all situations that have the potential to be bad.  So in this sense I feel that yes I do love my enemies but can I do better?  The next section I read answered my question. 

Forgiving a bully does not mean thinking that what he or she did was okay. Nor does it mean you shouldn’t stick up for yourself or that you should pretend the bullying never happened. Forgiving does mean letting go of feelings of bitterness and anger—feelings that will damage you far more than they will affect the bully. The Lord said, “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (D&C 64:10).

And so I had my answer.  I need to let go of the hurt and pain, that's where my fault lies.  The bitterness at what was done to me and still continues to be done to me is so hurtful and I've held onto that hurt for far too long.  If I am truly going to follow Christ as I wish to do, then I must let it go and Let God.......

I must rely on the Savior. His love, and the knowledge that I am a child of Heavenly Father, is my greatest source of self-worth. The Savior knows what it’s like to be beaten and spit upon, but He never forgot who He is—the Son of God. Because of the Atonement, He understands perfectly the hurt I feel, and He can heal me. And now my prayers will indeed be for that healing. 

Not only though, will my prayers be for my own healing but they will be also for my enemies healing and for me to be a better Christian.  It will be my prayer that I will hopefully never hurt anyone as I have been hurt and that I will be more mindful of myself while working and living in the world in terms of how I act, what I say and what I do.  We are in the last days after all, and satan is at his best; it is my prayer that we lean not to his cunning ways. 

“It should come as no surprise that one of the adversary’s tactics in the latter days is stirring up hatred among the children of men. He loves to see us criticize each other, make fun or take advantage of our neighbor’s known flaws, and generally pick on each other. …

“When we truly become converted to Jesus Christ, committed to Him, an interesting thing happens: our attention turns to the welfare of our fellow-man, and the way we treat others becomes increasingly filled with patience, kindness, a gentle acceptance, and a desire to play a positive role in their lives.” —Elder Marvin J. Ashton (1915–94), of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “The Tongue Can Be a Sharp Sword,” Ensign , May 1992, 19, 20.

Today my new leaf turns and my prayers being for healing, and as I heal I hope they too will heal.  For you my friends that are reading, I wish you the same, rely on the savior for all your needs.  Let us strive daily to become more like our Savior.  Just imagine what the world will be like when we all do.....

With Love,

Dixie Dawn

12 Minutes

But I Only....

Before reading the next phrases insert the word But at the beginning....

I only got drunk because she broke my heart.  I only cheated because he was abusive,  I only stole it because I really needed it.   Its only one rated R movie what can it hurt.  Work doesn’t pay me what they should so I’ll just take it out in trade.  I only curse while in traffic.  I’m so tired I’ll just skip church this one time.  Repentance is for sinners my acts were justified.  I am strong I can do this on my own, I don’t need God……..

Thought for the day:  We cannot hide any act of our lives from ourselves or from the Lord.   As prerequisites to forgiveness, there must first be recognition, remorse, then confession.  “By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins—behold, he will confess them and forsake them.” In addition to recognizing our sins, we must feel sincere sorrow for what we have done. We must feel that our sins are terrible. We must want to unload and abandon them.


I previously spoke of Godly sorrow and the need to abandon my sins, but how did it come to that, what was the process to bring me to such Godly sorrow?  It was not an easy road I can tell you that.  I spent many of my days in the past with a chip on my shoulder.  Everywhere I went I felt others were judging me for my actions.  I would never be able to measure up because of my sins, they would forever follow me and I am as dirt.  At one point I even stopped going to church because I felt if I walked in the door I wouldn’t be welcomed and it would be awkward because I am the black sheep, I am the sinner and everyone knows it.  I suffered greatly for many years and  turned to even more sin as well as embracing beliefs I didn’t understand to try to escape.

I became entangled in a web satan had weaved for me with negative and false thinking coupled with depression and fear.  I found myself spending my days fighting to make people believe that I was respectable and a good person. I always found myself in awkward circumstances and conversations of worldliness and I continually worked as either a beggar to have people believe I was a good girl, or as a fighter to save my reputation.  When all the time, the truth was, I was really fighting only me…..

I had a knack of excusing away my choices. And though the things I said to myself were indeed true, for I really was having a hard time I really was hurting and suffering and needed to do something.  The fact remained that I made the choices of my life, and I could not push them away with an excuse or blame.  I knowingly disobeyed my Father in Heaven and until I admitted that to myself, the merry-go-round would not stop and satan would continue to wrap me up as his trophy.

I was literally physically exhausted from the fight and because I fought so hard it effected my well-being.  I developed health troubles and had many trips to the hospital; I became an emotional roller coaster.  I worried to the point that I feared even my own children could not love me because I was such a bad person; and I know they grew weary of hearing me apologize and excuse myself for being a bad mother and person. And while its true that many people did know of some of my more serious transgressions, the fact remains that most did not; yet I was too focused on hiding my sins from myself, and making myself belive that I was justified, to realize how things really worked.  I was spinning out of control and had to make a change, if I did not, the thought of what could happen to me was terrifying for I had even contemplated suicide.

Reality Check:  “There is no royal road to repentance, no privileged path to forgiveness. Every man must follow the same course whether he be rich or poor, educated or untrained, tall or short, prince or pauper, king or commoner”- Spencer W Kimball

It is said that the first step in the road to recovery from addiction is admitting.  That proves to be no different on the road to repentance.  We must admit to ourselves that we have sinned. If we do not admit this, we cannot repent.  Whether it is a sin of great seriousness, a sin of omission, or willful  disobedience, we cannot seek forgiveness until we admit to ourself and Heavenly Father that we have erred.

“Let your sins trouble you, with that trouble which shall bring you down unto repentance. … Do not endeavor to excuse yourself in the least point” (Alma 42:29–30) The scriptures advise us further not to justify our sinful practices (Luke 16:15–16).

I found some of the greatest relief of my life, when I wrote in my journal of my sins.  Yes I wrote the circumstances and I wrote all the things that surrounded why I made the choices, but I did not excuse the fact that I had offended the one person who had never left me, never hurt me, that gave me all that I needed and more.  I had offended my Father in Heaven.

It was not easy to admit to myself that I had been wrong.  The pain of those transgressions caused a heavy suffering of my heart and soul that was near unbearable.  But when I went to the Lord with them, that acknowledgement brought me a measure of peace and I knew that I had come home. When I was willing to give away my sins and follow him, I came to know God.  I began to understand that the Savior gave His life for us and suffered for our sins so that if we believed on his name and repented we would not have to carry that burden.  Each time I ignored what I had done, I trampled all that he died for, I threw away the gift.  So I followed the promptings from my intense prayers and fessed up thus, beginning my road to forgiveness.  

“I acknowledged my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the Lord; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. Selah.” Psalms 32:5

One of the best things we can do for ourselves is admitting when we are wrong and seek to make it right, that does not however, give us full throttle to beat ourselves up.  The Savior suffered so that we would not have to, the first step in accepting that gift is admitting our sin.  But we cannot let satan make us believe there is no hope.  We must stay strong and stay with God.

There is comfort and peace in admitting our mistakes, let us take note as we work through our days to  things we need to repair.

There is hope with repentance, let us then find ourselves in mighty prayer following the will of the Lord.



With Love, Dixie

Please join me next week for this series of blogs concerning the principles of repentance and my personal story of the road to safety and peace....

Not as Bad as You Think

Repentance, that is always a scary word it seems.  People fear it, others, in place of fear become angry with it.  Some accusingly see it as a religious control tactic, and others believe that if there is a real punishment for sin its through a simple confession or prayer and then God will simply beat us with a few stripes after which we will be saved in the kingdom forever.    I believe however, that when a person develops true faith, faith in Jesus Christ; they begin to see things in a different light.  I believe real sincere faith in a person will bring them to a point where they want to be different, where they want to be like Christ; so repentance then, becomes viewed differently.  It becomes seen not as a scary thing or matter of a checklist and Sunday confession after a party weekend.  It becomes rather an opportunity of choice, a gift, and that is what it became for me.

Thought for the day:  “Repentance is a divine gift, and there should be a smile on our faces when we speak of it. It points us to freedom, confidence, and peace. Rather than interrupting the celebration, the gift of repentance is the cause for true celebration.” – D Todd Christofferson

What is repentance?  The Guide to Scriptures gives us this definition:  “A change of mind and heart that brings a fresh attitude toward God, oneself, and life in general. Repentance implies that a person turns away from evil and turns his heart and will to God, submitting to God’s commandments and desires and forsaking sin. True repentance comes from a love for God and a sincere desire to obey his commandments. All accountable persons have sinned and must repent in order to progress toward salvation. Only through the atonement of Jesus Christ can our repentance become effective and accepted by God.”

Why repentance?  We come to earth for the purpose of growing and progressing. This is a lifelong process. During this time that we are here on earth,  we all sin. We all have need to repent. Sometimes we sin because of ignorance, sometimes because of our weaknesses, and sometimes because of willful disobedience. In the Bible we read that “there is not a just man upon earth, that doeth good, and sinneth not” and that “if we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us” Romans 3:23  Ecclesiastes 7:20  1 John 1:8. When we die, we will be returned to the presence of God Alma 40:11.  Thus we need repentance for “no unclean thing can dwell with God”.

I like to think of myself as a “just man”.  I never did harm, not intentionally I only wanted to do good.  Yet in my life there were times that I did sin.  Sometimes it was because of ignorance, sometimes it was due to weakness, and at other times it was pure wilful disobedience.  Even so, the more I developed faith, a testimony of the gospel and true love for Father in Heaven and his son Jesus Christ, the more I hated my choices, and I just couldn’t live with myself knowing that even though I had a change of heart and no longer made those choices or lived that lifestyle; still they lurked in the corners of my mind and around every bend I turned.  They brought upon my soul great grief and I was terribly troubled as I ministered to family members and friends sharing with them the Gospel.

I remember exactly when it began,  that I knew my good intentions were not enough; it was the day my husband was baptized.  As I watched him being immersed in the water, I found myself wishing it was me, wishing I could be new, that I could be rid of all that followed me, wishing that I could be the daughter of God I so desired and strived to be. I was active in the church, one hundred percent or more.  I lived the lifestyle of a Latter-day saint and I encouraged and begged my children and family to do the same.  I went so far as to bribe my oldest son, who was not living at home, with gas money.  If he would just please come to the baptism and support my husband whom we all loved, I would give him gas money for his car.  The baptism proved to be a very spiritual time for all of us but none more than my son I think, for when he came to me after the service to get his money,  he was crying.  I asked him what was wrong but he couldn’t talk, he just gave me a hug took his money and left.  Later on that evening he came to talk to me, about church.  He said he felt something that he’d never felt before and it burned within him, he believed, and he wanted to come back and start attending again and making things right.  I was never more happy than at that moment, and right away put him on the path back to his roots.  This is what made me think.  I had testified to my husband and shared with him the gospel and he was baptised.  I had testified time and again to my son and encouraged him to return and he was doing so; so how could I be a part of this newly forming eternal family if I wasn’t living the things I was teaching them.  I had to make myself right.  So began my journey of earnestly praying, with every fiber of my being.  With the deepest Godly sorrow falling upon my knees and seeking the guidance of Heavenly Father I repented to him of the things that made me feel bad, of the things that I carried.  Never before had I sought Heavenly Father in this manner.  Not because I didn’t want to but until I had a true change of heart that came with strengthened faith and Godly sorrow, I didn’t understand how to repent.  I discovered that it was much more than just confessing of my sins, it was about my broken heart…..

Through this time and these prayers the Lord, with such love, ministered to me and taught me the meaning of true repentance.  He taught me all that I needed to do and answered all my questions by literally answering my prayers even sometimes while I was still on my knees crying.  It was not a great cloud burst and visions of grandeur, it wasn’t as many preachers shout about at the pulpits of hell fire and brimstone.  But is was a quiet tender burning in my heart that was sent with messages to my mind and I knew, I KNEW, that He was real, the Savior was real,  and he was speaking to me and guiding me.  That He loved me and would hold me up while I did all that I could to live as he wanted me to live. I did not have to be afraid……

In our journey’s here upon the earth, no one is perfect, so Christ in his infinite mercy suffered and died that we may be offered the choice of repentance.  Though it is a gift, it is not an easy choice.  But when the desire hits you, and that great feeling of truth coupled with an overwhelming need for change comes, and you act upon it with the help and love of the Savior; it becomes a necessary road and a life changing experience.  There is no need to fear, there is no need to discredit the need for repentance, there is no need to turn away.  Rather let us receive it with faith and great thanksgiving.

Every time we sin, we die a little spiritually.  With each act that we let go on, the light falls away, little by little, until finally there is nothing but heaviness and darkness. What a gift Christ has given us through his Atoning sacrifice that we may not die fully but yet live.

Repentance is a different experience for each individual, and only God knows the hearts and minds of “men”.  But we should not be afraid or procrastinate.  Some, like I had; may have serious transgressions to work through, but all of us, everyone, are in need of a constant life long procession that includes making ourselves right before God through the Atoning Sacrifice of the Savior.  Daily.

There is much to understand in the repentance process and I hope as I take this time in sharing with you my personal journey it will touch your heart.  Please join me for my next blog that will continue with the principle and story of my road through repentance, for what you’ve read, was just the beginning, yet even now, I am a new woman…..

With Love
Dixie

Burdens of Another

This is a continuation of The Invitation, a  previously posted blog challenge.  We are now on Day 5.  Please feel free to read the other days and start at anytime! Incorporate this challenge to fit you!  Weekly, monthly, daily however it will work for you!


 All material is original blog material written by Dixie. ( I just borrowed the idea ;)   Scripture suggestions are from my personal study, all thoughts and challenges are from my personal history and my future as I too continue to strive for more closeness to Christ.

Thought for the day:  The life of Christ was not about himself, but what he could do for others.  His ministry upon this earth was about healing, teaching, compassion, and finally in the end, taking upon himself the burdens of all; that all might be saved if only all would believe in him.  Yet, to believe in him, to truly have faith, requires that we become like him, in all aspects.  That we learn to walk as he walks.  Today let us in our activities, in our lives, in our busyness, put off the natural man for a moment and walk as Christ walks; even let us bear up one another’s burdens.

When we were baptized we entered into a covenant with God. We promised to take upon ourself the name of Jesus Christ, keep His commandments, and serve Him to the end.  We promised that we would not only serve in certain ways that we think of when thinking of service; but that we would promise to be “willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light” and “willing to mourn with those that mourn … and comfort those that stand in need of comfort”.

Penny in the shoe:  today, every time you feel the penny in your shoe, think to soften your heart, look at others as you want Christ to look at you….

challenge for the day:  as you soften your heart, open yourself up to be able to help another bear their burdens.  Prayerfully consider someone you might help.  It might not be something big or tragic, that is needed, it may only be a smile and few kinds words, or a dinner preparation, a ride to the store or doctor, a visit to lonely elderly in a nursing home, just anything.  But find a way you can ease the burden of someone else.  However, be not weary in doing so…..

suggested Scripture Reading.  (reading made easy just click a link :)  Galatians 6   Galatians 5:13–14  Mosiah 18:8

Journaling Thought:  How can I emulate His love to those around me?

Try to See World from Others’ Perspective

Contributed By Church News

• 18 October 2013

Ashley England and her family went to dinner at a pizzeria in China Grove, North Carolina, this September and received what the local television station, WBTV, called an “unexpected” note from a fellow patron.
Mrs. England’s eight-year-old son, Riley, “is non-verbal and has been through three major brain surgeries for a severe form of epilepsy,” according to WBTV. During dinner the boy began to get “a little rowdy.”
“He threw the phone and started screaming,” Mrs. England told WBTV. “The past few weeks have been very hard and trying for us—especially with public outings. Riley was getting loud and hitting the table, and I know it was aggravating to some people.”
Then, just as the family was ready to pack up and leave, a waitress appeared.
“‘I’ll try to do this without crying,’ the waitress told the family. ‘But another customer has paid for your bill tonight and wanted me to give you this note.’
“The note read: ‘God only gives special children to special people.’”
In the weeks following the report, a photograph of the note went viral.
That message, articulated in just one sentence to a frustrated family, has relevance for all of us. It demonstrates compassion and understanding—offered at a time when a family needed both.
“We hear what people say, we see what they do, but being unable to discern what they think or intend, we often judge wrongfully if we try to fathom the meaning and motives behind their actions and place on them our own interpretation,” said President Spencer W. Kimball (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball [2006], 95).
The England family doesn’t know who paid for their meal or left them the note. Maybe it was someone who has also raised a special-needs child or who loves a special-needs child. Maybe it was someone who has been embarrassed by a child in public. Or maybe it was someone who simply took the time to imagine what it would have been like to occupy a chair at the Englands’ table.
In the final pages of the classic novel by Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, the narrator, a little girl nicknamed Scout, finds herself on the front porch of her neighbor Boo Radley’s home. As she turns to leave, she discovers she has never seen her neighborhood from this angle before. It looks different. Just seeing the world as Boo sees it helps her understand Boo a little better.
She realizes her father—who urged his children to try to see life from another person’s perspective before making judgments—was right.
“One time he said you never really know a man until you stand in his shoes and walk around in them,” Scout said in the novel. “Just standing on the Radley porch was enough.”
Having learned the important lessons of compassion and understanding, Scout concludes there is really nothing else for her to learn—except algebra.
The advice, from a fictional attorney living in the height of the Depression in Maycomb, Alabama, is just as relevant in our own wards, stakes, neighborhoods, and communities; we face problems we would understand better if we saw the world around us from our neighbors’ front porches—or from their tables at the local pizzeria.
President Gordon B. Hinckley said that in our associations we should build and strengthen one another.
“It is a responsibility divinely laid upon us to bear one another’s burdens, to strengthen one another, to encourage one another, to lift one another, to look for the good in one another, and to emphasize that good,” he said (Teachings of Gordon B. Hinckley [1997], 45).
President Thomas S. Monson has asked Latter-day Saints to show increased kindness toward one another.
“We have no way of knowing when our privilege to extend a helping hand will unfold before us,” he said during his April 2001 general conference address. “The road to Jericho each of us travels bears no name, and the weary traveler who needs our help may be one unknown.”
That’s the impact a stranger had on the England family, who told a reporter that having one person care about their needs overshadowed the rude and negative comments they often hear.
“To have someone do that small act towards us shows that some people absolutely understand what we are going through and how hard it is to face the public sometimes,” Mrs. England told WBTV.
“They made me cry, blessed me more than they know. … Little did he know what struggles we had been facing lately, and this was surely needed at that moment.”
We could all follow the stranger’s example and take time to imagine what it would be like to sit at another person’s table.
President Monson has extended to each of us the same invitation:
“May we ever be mindful of the needs of those around us and be ready to extend a helping hand and a loving heart” (“Until We Meet Again,” Ensign, Nov. 2008, 107).

This will be a great day!  We will grow!

Love From Dixie!